Let THem Talk

I’ve been feeling pretty disheartened by some of the comments I’m seeing on my Facebook posts lately.

I’ve put a lot of effort into being transparent about my situation—so much so that I created this website to share my journey openly with the world. While I’m occasionally tempted to respond to the haters, I’m choosing not to. I sleep just fine at night knowing I’ve done my best to be honest, direct, and aboveboard about everything.

Thanks to the kindness of a complete stranger, I was able to pay my rent, which was due yesterday. Whew. I’ve also received additional support from a beautiful soul who I’m pretty sure qualifies as a guardian angel… though sadly, she’s taken.

The sober house I’m currently staying in isn’t exactly the greatest place to live. The only rules are:

1. Pay your rent

2. Don’t use

That’s it. No curfew. No chores. No expectations around meetings. You can stay out all night if you want. Add to that the fact that it’s always cold here, so I spend a lot of time bundled up in bed under warm blankets.

Now, that probably sounds great to most addicts. But not this guy.

I need structure. I need expectations. I need a framework that keeps me moving forward. Sure, rules limit liberty a bit—but in my case, that tradeoff is worth it. I know I’ll be better off in the long run.

A couple of solid gentlemen I’ve met in the rooms (addict-speak for AA/NA) invited me to check out Russell Sober House here in New Britain. If I move in, I’d be sharing a room with two other guys. Honestly, I think I’d be much happier there—more camaraderie, a cleaner and safer environment, and most importantly, a place that holds me accountable not just to myself, but to my peers.

Still haven’t had my first shift at Walgreens yet. My manager told me today there’s a hiccup getting my application pushed through the system, so we’re working on ironing that out. Nothing major. Just computer gremlins doing what they do best.

I wasn’t feeling up to going to a meeting tonight—which is exactly why I went anyway.

This one’s a bit of a pain to get to. It’s farther away than the meetings I usually attend and requires taking the bus. But I made it, and I’m glad I did.

The topic was gratitude.

I have a lot of that right now.

I haven’t gotten into the habit of writing a daily gratitude list, but a friend of mine swears by it and says it’s been genuinely transformative for her. I can see why.

I am grateful for God.
I am grateful for the kindness of others.
I am grateful for a roof over my head.
I am grateful for my health.
I am grateful for clean water.

The list could go on and on.

Tomorrow is Sunday, and I still haven’t found a religious community to plug into out here. I also haven’t asked around to find out which houses of worship are poppin’ and filled with sultry, luscious, single hotties…

Okay. Not really.

As much as I enjoy companionship, romance, and all that jazz, it’s nowhere near the top of my priority list right now. I’m still working on myself, and I don’t want to open that can of worms just yet.

Which is exactly why I should probably start looking for a new therapist—preferably someone local, so I can meet in person. I don’t really jive with virtual appointments. This time around, I’m thinking of going with a male therapist.

But who knows.

I’ll figure it out tomorrow.